Category: autobiographical
when i get you back for fucking me over just know I allowed you in the first place to fuck me over use me mentally abuse me but mother fuckers ever dog has his day and today is mine
Thank ya pita, even if for the sake of a odd friendship you never read my blogs i love you lots and rick james says Bitch show me your titties,. thank you for the risk we take and the sleep we loose.
my next special thanks goes out to daisy and to my Tasha. same to you all as to pita i got all your backs love you all lots thanks a million.
No sleep,
goes along with no heat, no meat, no feet and no beat.
The nights I have stayed awake I try to not waste, they say by the time you are 30 years old that you have slept more than 20 years of your life., Well for me this is not true.
I was diagnosed a clinical insomniac at 2 months old,. then since I was twelve I’ve been prescribed and used on my own, (stimulants) in most any an all forms. I’m a night owl, a wanderer of the minds abbess, and the depths of the paranoids-minds sub-consciences. problem being I’m hyper-active still at the near age of 28 years old mix it up with some attention deficit disorder. And you get some of me in a can. No sleep huh,? in this week alone i did not sleep for 5 days in a row, fully functioning and a little psycho, i do not like to sleep much i do better with less sleep than most people could fully rested.
But the dark side is; depression, paranoia, hallucinations, isolation, MADNESS.
this is me 2 days off of any and all drugs,. Fuck sobriety fuck sleep and to all who fear me, are disgusted by me. Fuck you
367 days ago Sabrina Norton aka binna ,left me. Through mental hospitailization,homelessness giving up my rats (more like she said a rescue)) (bitch move) jail homelessness again and again due to you Sabrina. Yes this is directly to you gonna you have coated me countless heartaches home changes and with what did I ever do to you?? Truely you complaining cause you live in a boarding home. Which ended up being next door to my house to my landloard got me once again homeless. But fear no more I don’t live next to young for whatever reasons. Your scared of me get over it Ian am harmless…. so Ian going to post this via all the world to see like I have everything else. Still to this day I miss you and for a more fucked up reason I still love you dearly? .. how I wronged You Iy lilting seems I will never know. But Ian sure you will call in the restraining. Order you outrandishly have placed against me and am sure you will bring down fire and brimestone on me. But I all got you beat. Ill do Tue dirty workshop for you.and tell the police along with all the possiable peoplee you ajand me combined know just how much your abondonment of our relationship has mentally well fucked me up …worse part is I’d drop the world. Just to see you again.. but again I a but most impariatve bonetov pick you know the one where I remind you everything will comeback to you missery breeds missery and I’ve all paid mine up. And why do I still feel like I was victimized by you. Oh lets see you and me hooked up moved in togetherr moved around owned and lost cars pets friends and jobs and now a year later education cause of you I have nothing now but all your studlff still. Oh but I owe storage 159$so what do we do when we meet we were both good then you went ill I godly you well and you did just as Dr.grant said so you left me when I got worse and you got better…. but still I wish you in my life. And world be known I will be portraied as a crazed ex boyfriend obbsessed and this and that. Bit Ian not I want to know ands even publicly know why you left and why your so scared?after that ill stop posting (shit like this and ill hell I’ve already moved. Out of town cause you what more doyoy want?
What i will never understand is what its like to be me viewed from another persons perspective. The way I’am and the person I have become is two worlds apart from what I have seen and lived through and and What the outcome of all the monstrosities of my childhood. Quoted by Lil Wayne “If you don’t understand me;Maybe you stand under me?” Is a great way to put things in my current life. Very few people Are close enough to me and have been around long enough to learn how to put up with me or better yet how to use me to my greatest potential.
Furthermore nothing can explain me better than some of the friends i call friends some are still learning me others know what and how to handle me.
What I find most odd is the way my psychologist explained his first impression of me, He said That I have a certain “Charm” about me,. In our last session I asked him to explain, he said The way i engage people in public and in conversation is so mind boggling due to my past history of speech impediments, learning disability’s, and hearing problems. I was speechless I so didn’t expect that, he said i would be great i would be great in business or sales.
So this is a quick post with shit on my mind, I get to go back to work for my old company if things in the Universe didnt say before that I was meant to be a Professional Painter than nothing will prove it more.
So for now travel well….
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