Every single day has been lived like it were my last day, main reason why is when i am at my best I am unhappy. One thing I can never forget is how much it seemed like it would always be like, how too say “Okay”.
“How are tings?” (Tings are good), tings are real good. Yet no matter what is said and what is done I always end up alone and the last one standing. I recently had to go to the mental hospital technicalness against my will. it was either that or well i didnt want to find out.
When the last thing you go to sleep thinking about comes true later that day when you wake up, it scares you.! Scares you real good,like when your a child and hear of the boogie-man. I am not the most kind soul there is at least two women who can agree and say this man was a jerk and i am sure much worse.
These early morning blog postings wont last forever. this feels good getting it out bugging my ex-girlfriend telling her how much it sucks she bailed like a yellow belly coward, but i still love her. how confusing right? Right!

What is to say about what i am doing in life right now? my ears are open but you cant just tell me how to fix me, r what you (Whoever YOU Are) no you need to be there like Sabrina was there but not,. I think where she fell short along side of myself was; giving into labels and diagnosis’s and then allowing our-selves to be treated mainly Sabrina to believe word for word what a doctor says who is paid to help and paid to help the pill industry or the local political and state entities…
I miss my rats all ten of my rattie’s If Sabrina ever talks she might say I was going to kill all them and myself the morning she left, she was half right, forgetting that when i first wake up. See interaction with me is tricky. i can go from asleep to violent and aggressive outburst for no reason. (P.T.S.D.)
But Sabrina, my dear sweet ex who i still am in love with, has taking the road to better ground as she sees it. ???
What i did was stop believing in myself which was when i told Sabrina the truth during some long ago fight;Told that bitch everything i was doing wrong then re-rigged it and said i was lying. Well Sabrina what ever you were you were when i meet you and when you left me. living your life on rash decisions what ever the drastic changes are that you would want, well Sabrina without communication from you you will just watch me spyrle until i hit Rock bottom.

Nobody will ever fill Sabrina’s place in my heart but I need to finally let go and give up this semi-psychotic blogging to all known sites. Yup I have told way too much to the unknown public. however I am dying for comments and reply’s not that I want attention i want closer like i want To hold Sabrina one last time and say i love. But there will be another and who hopefully she will be even stronger-minded that the prior.
I wouldn’t be surprised if when all is said and done I am a (90) year old man asking a 26 year old what would he be doing if that man were ninety years old? ‘I would, still Be Chasing skirt”,. I was nicknamed TulareTomcat by one of Sabrina’s friends (Erica Fox) who is how i meet Sabrina, But carrying on Erica Said at one time “This is TulareTomcat,He will fuck anything with a hole and a heartbeat, heartbeat optional”. but the more ironic shit was Sabrina claims she tamed the TulareTomcat, well I say she played a cold game of catch and release. Correct me if I am wrong…………………….

Coming to from a numbing self induced frenzy i will realize i should of left Sabrina long time before she entraped us out past plaza dr, in Visalia ca which is like the far outskirts of town.,,..,. (side note coffee and cigarettes, Mmmm MMmmm Good) Knowing Sabrina tried to leave me once prior I should of sent her packing she was just waiting for the best time to leave me at my worse possible emotional state, when i first wake up…

Once again my mind is all over the fucking colorful place. Where i am trying to go with this blog posting is People call me up be my friend answer your phones and call a mutha-fucka back once in a while this is how the world stays in touch. The unnamed People who did this the day Sabrina left me saved my ass!! Point-Blank.

My phone number is (559)-736-4375 it hasn’t changed in 3 years i think? anyway it panns out I am needing advice, guidance and well i got plenty of charisma to go around
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well world been writing for over an hour and well past (my) bed time; Before sunrise… goodnight good morning and good morning Veitnam

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